ANOTHER LONDON MUSIC FESTIVAL IS CANCELLED AS TEN THOUSAND PEOPLE TURN UP TO WATCH JAY-Z IN THE BACK OF A TRANSIT VAN

The Cloc Festival - due to take place last weekend - was cancelled amidst growing fears that the chosen venue was to be the subject of unacceptable levels of over-crowding. The Cloc Festival sold nearly ten thousand tickets to eager punters, who were desperate to see Jay-Z in his first London performance for a number of years. Sadly, the back of the Ford Transit Van that was due to stage the event proved to be far too small for the number of attendees.

“Well we knew the Transit was a roomy vehicle, arguably the most spacious in its class,” said one disgruntled festival goer, “they just sold too many tickets.”

Jay-Z was reported to be very disappointed, and offered the usage of his Escalade as an additional venue, only to immediately retract the offer upon hearing festival organisers were planning on diverting two thousand people to it.

“I just think they thought everyone would be way smaller, like Asians and shit,” Mr. Z said, “they really miscalculated.”