G4S BOSS TO BE QUESTIONED BY MPS ABOUT OLYMPIC SECURITY…. MPS TO THEN QUESTION EACH OTHER ABOUT G4S

G4S Boss Nick Buckles faces questions from MPs about the shambolic arrangements regarding Olympic security, which left the military having to meet a short-fall of thousands of security staff with recently deployed soldiers. MPs are then set to question each other; to ascertain exactly which idiot hired these morons in the first place.

Home Secretary Teresa May was adamant that G4S would be brought to task for their failure to adequately provide security for Olympic venues around the country. She was also adamant that whoever hired them would also be brought to task, and be made to sit through every event of the Paralympics as a ‘twitter correspondent’ for the Guardian Newspaper.

“The punishment has to fit the crime,” a furious May said, “personally, I can’t think of anything worse than having to sit around watching a bunch of retards and then having to pretend to love them in a lefty way.”

Shadow Olympics minister Tessa Jowell, took a different approach to her counterpart, stressing the importance of the questions to Nick Buckles himself, rather than a subsequent Parliamentary post-mortem.

“We are more concerned with asking G4S the right questions,” Jowell said, puffing hard on a Lambert & Butler, “specifically, we wanted caucus sessions with Buckle, so we can ensure he doesn’t let anyone know that we hired them when we were in government…..you’re not recording this are you?”

Buckles faces further problems as out of the ten G4S staff hired to transport him to Westminster for questioning; all but two have called in sick. To date, there has been no request for the army to meet the shortfall in numbers.