US TV channels are awash with a campaign of ill-conceived
but extremely expensive attack ads, paid for by the National Rifle Association.
The NRA hopes to make a lethal assault in its latest battle with common logic,
as it wrangles with that most hideous of foe: the idea that civilians shouldn’t
possess military weapons. When confronting
seemingly irrefutable logic, the most potent weapon in the hands of the moron
in 2013 is the well-produced attack ad. When facts don’t help, just shout
louder! ZEITguide takes a look at what makes the perfect logic-busting attack ad…
Possibly the most persuasive tool in the fight with reason is undoubtedly the
use of mind-bogglingly-irrelevant but irresistibly-sexy graphics. The NRA have outdone themselves with their
recent effort, confirming the assertion that the use of sinister silhouettes
should be actively encouraged.
Judicious use of the ‘boom’
sound effect: The fact that a resonant ‘boom’ sound effect is a pre-requisite to all good
attack ads is beyond discussion; it is nearly impossible to make impactful
statements of a wildly illogical nature without them. The issue is the level of
usage: too little and your ad risks resembling a tawdry attempt at slam poetry;
too much and you ad’s soundtrack strays dangerously close to the realms of
house music. Extremely ill-advised.
effective comparisons: Don’t dwell on the fact that there may be distinguishable differences
between the President of the USA and a man working in Starbucks, or the
entire population of Ecuador and a cat – if it’s going to make a statement,
make that comparison!
End with a
The NRA have used ‘Stand up and fight!’ in their latest effort, which given
the armed nature of their target demographic, is as relevant as it is exhortative.
Notable successes from other organisations in the past are: ‘Put up or shut-up!’,
‘We shall overcome!’, ‘No surrender!’ and ‘Go fuck yourself!’
Attack ads can be the face of an organisation if required.
BRITAIN TO DECIDE ON
WHETHER TO LEAVE EU…. AND JOIN AFRICA
Prime Minister David Cameron promised that if re-elected in
2015, he would hold a referendum on whether Britain should remain in the
EU, or leave…and potentially join Africa.
The Prime Minister’s statement stressed the importance of
giving the Britons the freedom to choose between the red-tape-lined,
supra-legal, mandatory-square banana regulations-fest that was the European
Union; and the sun-baked, Attenborough-loved, mineral-filled-but-occasionally-troublesome
continent of Africa.
“The British public have the right to choose, this has
always been a Tory priority,” thundered the Prime Minister, “Belgium or Burkina
Faso? Oberpfaffenhofen or Ouagadougou? The choice is yours!”
The Prime Minister’s latest statement is said to be a move
which will appease – and for a time, silence - Euro-sceptic members of his
party, as well regaining some of the ground lost to UKIP in recent months.
However, despite pleasing many Tory Euro-sceptics, Cameron’s pledge has
alienated a large number of Tory Ethnic-racists.
“I never imagined there could be anything worse than being
ruled by a horde of krauts and frogs,” said one particularly racist party
member, “then they suggested this.”
Many commentators are predicting that disaffected Tories begin defecting to far-right parties in their droves. Organisations such as the BNP, the EDL, the Mighty White
Alliance and the Project for the Eternal Celebration of Enoch Powell, are all possible beneficiaries. Others
are suggesting that this splinter group may form a party all of their own, solely for the
representation of conservative racist interests.