GOVERNMENT FEARS MIGRATORY BIRDS ARE FLYING SOUTH TO JOIN ISIS

A leaked government report has revealed many Whitehall mandarins (and tangerines) fear that the country’s migratory birds could be joining ISIS when they fly south for the winter. Secretly commissioned research has uncovered evidence of a flock of pigeons from East London becoming radicalised and possibly flying to ISIS controlled Syria to join the fighting.

“We are working to deal with the threat,” said Home Office mandarin, Frank Lee Odias, “We are certain that birds have become radicalised, we have solid intel on that. I mean, the source was a convicted crack dealer, who was adjudged a pathological liar by the country’s top psychologist, but still, his intel was solid.”

The report also revealed fears that radicalised battle-hardened birds returning from ISIS next summer could cause havoc in the UK, with contingency plans already taking place to install anti-aircraft batteries across the country’s airports. 

Birds returning from ISIS in suicidal attack formation.