PRINCE WILLIAM THREATENS TO SEND AN ARMY TO SWITZERLAND IF FIFA DOESN’T CLEAN UP ITS ACT
Seemingly forgetting the constitutional limitations to his power, Prince William – riding a horse and dressed in full 16th century armour - issued a stern warning to disgraced football fixers FIFA: clean up your act, or I’m sending in the cavalry.
Surprisingly, the Prince’s glaringly empty threats have been met with huge support the world over (rather than the giggling disdain which they deserve) with many footballers voicing their approval on various forms of social media. Former England striker and Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker tweeted “it was about time someone gave FIFA the charge!”, with former QPR defender and French speaker Joey Barton also tweeting “I hope FIFA gets its fucking cunt-face smashed in.”
The newly elected Tory government are said to be quietly concerned at the Prince's sudden display of feudal bullishness, given the diplomatic problems that this could entail, but are also said to be stunned with admiration that the glorious heir to the throne is flexing his divine muscles.
“Clearly it can create problems if the Prince starts making unilateral declarations,” said Foreign Secretary Phillip Hammond, “But at the same time, to see one of our Royals stand up to those brutes fills my heart with pride…”
FIFA are yet to respond to the Prince’s threats, though some have speculated that in the event of any cavalry charge by the Duke of Cambridge, Russian president Vladimir Putin is likely to provide full nuclear support to FIFA. Sepp Blatter is believed to have said he doesn’t care if everyone in Switzerland is exterminated, he will not stop being corrupt until the day he dies.
|Ohhh shit, now he's pissed....|